


Don't pay heed to temptation (for his hands are so cold)

by trash_fic_witch (makeup_goblin)



Series: God's Not Dead (Because I'm Him) [1]
Category: God's Not Dead (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Bad Touch, Biracial Pastoral Bromance, First Time Blow Jobs, Forgive Me Daddy, Gay Christian Boy Is Gonna Get FUCKED, Hand Jobs, Heavy Petting, I wrote this fic for me but y'all can read it if you want, I've Been A Bad Girl, Interracial Pastoral Bromance, Josh bein a thirsty lil boy, M/M, Mina deserves better tbh, Older Man/Younger Man, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Questionable Use of Religious Material, Radisson bein a creep, Wet Dream, kind of dub con but josh yeets outta there so we good, please drink responsibly kids, uwu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-06-15 07:01:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makeup_goblin/pseuds/trash_fic_witch
Summary: Josh had been told college was about new experiences, however, he didn't think fucking his male professor was what anyone had in mind for him.





	1. Bad Things

Josh decided that this had all started after the library incident, but the truth of the matter is that it was lurking around much earlier. The first thing that should have tipped him off was how Radisson’s lingering stare affected him. It followed his movement, hawkishly watching his face as he spoke the words and lessons he had been taught his whole life, as well as a few of the newer arguments he had researched.

Professor Radisson looked like a cat ready to pounce: reclined in mock relaxation, but as still as an undisturbed pool of water. With a gaze so sharp and piercing, Josh had mistaken this fixation on him for hatred or contempt; Josh stumbled over his sentence as the tip of Radisson’s tongue gently caressed his bottom lip as his mouth stretched into a devastatingly wicked smirk.

The last few minutes of his class couldn’t have come soon enough and Josh could tell by the bored expressions on just about everyone’s face that he hadn’t really made an impact. He awkwardly wrapped up the argument he had been beating to death and a few sympathetic souls gave a few half-hearted claps as the room slowly cleared. Radisson hadn’t moved; he remained sprawled in his chair, left leg thrown casually over the other as Josh desperately tried to finish packing up his things and escape the strange energy in the room.

“I look forward to your next arguments, Mr. Wheaton, perhaps you’ll present yourself with a little more grace,” Professor Radisson’s voice suddenly cut through the shuffle of Josh’s papers, “Next time.”

Paling slightly, Josh froze, and glanced up hesitantly; Radisson, making a show of checking his watch, finally stood, straightened his coat, and sauntered towards the front. Josh’s gaze dropped back to his notes, watching Radisson’s approach in his peripheral. The honest to God swagger of the man’s step seemed almost hypnotizing and forbidden. The professor came to a stop just before him, closer than comfort would want, and Josh could smell some kind of spiced cologne that lingered around Radisson, intoxicating to the point of suffocation.

“I will see you Monday, Mr. Wheaton,” Radisson’s smirk hadn’t dimmed and Josh felt his stomach drop.

Without anything to say, Josh gave a curt nod of his head before practically racing from the lecture hall as Radisson’s eyes followed his retreating form.

 

\----

Josh was not a perfect Christian; he had his moments of sin and doubt. Lately, things had been getting worse, college was proving to be a cesspool of temptation and sin; everywhere he turned there were fornication and hedonism. Luckily, like always, after a while, people learned to avoid him and his ever prepared lectures and sermons; he had never really attracted much attention from anyone before, academically or otherwise, and the laser-like like focus on him and his beliefs made his stomach twist. It didn’t help that Kara had dumped him; he felt more alone and exposed than ever. His next and last debate with Radisson would happen soon, next week, and he was woefully unprepared at the moment.

Josh had been pacing in his dorm for the past hour, his classes were done for the day and although he had at least two essays to write, he couldn’t bring himself to stop thinking about Professor Radisson. What was it that intrigued him so? Josh had no idea; it wasn’t as if this was the first hostile, self-proclaimed atheist challenged his beliefs and faith, but this was the first time an adult was taking him seriously. Like, a real adult and not the 25 year old youth pastors that slapped him on the back and called him buddy. Even among the other adults in his congregation, he felt talked down to. He longed to join a conversation where he was given equal footing. Professor Radisson was condescending, sure, but it was as if Radisson trusted that he was an adult even if he believed he was being out right idiotic. Compared to the unspoken “you’re not old enough to really get this” that Josh usually faced, it was exciting.

It didn’t explain the blushing feeling in his stomach every time he caught Radisson’s eye or made him smirk. There was something dangerous in the curl of that man’s smile. Making up his mind, but still mentally tracing the curve of that cruel mouth, Josh slipped his shoes back on, determined to push whatever feeling or sin far from his mind so he could do his God Given Duty. He marched out of his dorm, taking the most direct path to the library.

\---- 

 

The university library was almost empty by the time he arrived, but he wasn’t surprised as it was eight p.m. on a Friday night. As Josh settled in he couldn’t help but notice that aside from him only one other student seemed to be anywhere near him, another boy had his head down on a computer desk and appeared to be asleep a few yards away from him. Just another reminder that he was a one-man army. Sighing quietly to himself, Josh got down to business and hunched himself over a few textbooks and liturgy essays.

Two hours passed in the blink of an eye and Josh still felt like he hadn’t gained any new insight. Grumbling a bit as he closed his eyes and massaged his forehead, a peculiar noise caught his attention. Lifting his head to peer around a nearby bookshelf, Josh was horrified to find that the only other person in the library was currently watching some kind of pornographic video on the public computer and palming himself through his, thankfully, still clothed crotch. Josh dropped his head in horror, staring down hard at the dozens of religious reference books in front of him on the table. No one else was in the library and if the other student had woken up some time ago he would have likely not seen Josh on the other side of the shelves and assumed that no one else in their right mind would be at a library on a Friday night.

As Josh was still frozen and trying to comprehend what was happening, he heard the noise that had originally caught his attention. It was a cross between a sigh and a moan; it was a disgusting sound and Josh immediately felt himself grow warm as a flush of heat shot through his core. Horrified, Josh dumbly glanced around again desperately trying to see if there was anyone else in the library that he had missed, but there was not another soul to be found; he and the other boy were towards the back of the library where hardly anyone went, not even the librarian, who was undoubtedly somewhere else stocking shelves. He felt frozen as his mind raced with every possible scenario; he could pack up quietly and hope to sneak out, or just get up, leave everything, and scramble out of there as fast as possible.

During his mini-crisis, the noises on the other side of the shelves had grown more pronounced and a horrible idea came to Josh even as he tried to quickly and quietly pack up; he could just… wait until the other boy was finished, that way he didn’t have to worry about being seen trying to escape the library as he would need to pass the boy currently… Josh shook his head to clear his thoughts, he would need to pass the other boy but if the boy… finished and left, he wouldn’t need to pass Josh at all when _he_ left and then Josh could slip out undetected. The idea, in theory, was brilliant, but it also meant he would have to sit and listen to what was happening just a few feet from him. Another low moan rumbled through their small corner of the library and Josh felt his face burn. He felt humiliated and frustrated, why had he chosen to attend a secular school? He wanted to break free of his parent’s and church’s expectations and, with the intent of bringing Jesus to the hearts of Godless heathens, he had made his way to a decent sized public university, relishing the challenge. Now he couldn’t study and some other student was masturbating in a public library.

Perhaps the Godless world really was too far gone to save, but the dirtiness and sin of the situation kept spinning around in his brain like a hamster in a wheel; his heart was beating a million miles per second and felt chilled to the core, but at the same time the heat that burned in his face seemed to travel to his abdomen where his muscles clenched and his stomach turned. Josh felt completely powerless as he felt himself lean and glance around at the other boy as he nervously chewed at his thumb cuticle. The boy was slouched in his chair and, at some point during Josh’s internal crisis, had opened his pants and was lazily stroking himself in gentle circular motions, either trying to reduce the amount of noise he made or to prolong his pleasure Josh did not know, but Josh’s eyes and full attention seemed to be transfixed on the repetitive glide and twist of the other boy’s hand around his cock. The other student took his hand away for a moment to lick at the palm of his hand before he resumed stroking with new vigor. Josh felt a chill race up his spine, ~~disgust surely~~ , and slowly moved back into cover; he was more concerned with silence than anything else and wasn’t paying attention to his own hand that suddenly brushed up against his pant front. A jolt of pleasure shot through his system and Josh bit his lip to contain the sound of shocked pleasure-horror as he realized he was sporting an erection of his own. His mind blanked as a wave of panic slowly started to consume him.

Why was he aroused at a time like this? Josh had always been a model example of a Christian young man, he had never felt lustful desires towards his girlfriends or other women and even if he woke up to an erection he was always able to get rid of it with a simple cold shower, never in his life had he been so consumed by lust. It felt like a giant red cloud was floating hazily around in his head while his loins pulsed like an obnoxious beacon of sin. At the second thought of “sin,” Josh felt his prick give a pleasurable twitch in the tight confines of his pants and he hastily sucked in a breath through his teeth, the absurdity of it all was almost enough for him to break out into hysterical laughter; the forbidden nature of this insane situation was adding a heightened level of sexual pleasure. Josh felt almost helpless as he once again glanced around the bookshelf at the other boy, who appeared to be quickly approaching climax with his pants and underwear pushed further away from his dick and his shirt rucked up against his broad chest exposing how his chest hair snaked down and around his dick, crowning it. The boy’s eyes were tight with pleasure as his legs spread wider and his posture grew stiffer; he looked like a clock spring twisting tighter and tighter, higher and higher. Josh watched with bated breath as at long last a sudden blast of ejaculate shot from the other boy’s cock and onto his bare chest. Josh was sure the satisfied groan that followed the continuing massive spurts of cum would haunt him for weeks. Just as he was about to look away and hide from view, the other boy swirled one finger in the cooling cum on his chest and lifted it to his mouth for a taste; Josh felt his own mouth fall open as he hastily retreated, his dick rubbing painfully in his pants at the sight, and thought, of the boy’s own cum in his mouth.

The twenty minutes after that the other boy took to clean up, pack up, and head out were the most torturous that Josh had ever experienced, even worse than the time he fasted and prayed on his knees three hours a day for a week. Finally, the other student left and Josh finished packing away his things and practically sprinted towards the library door, sighing in relief as the cool night air greeted him, taking the edge off. Once back in his room, safe and alone, Josh uselessly tried to forget everything he had seen and heard in the past hour as he looked shamefully down at his still semi-hard penis; rolling over Josh tried to fall asleep and eventually managed to drift into a restless, rocky slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this exists
> 
> I THINK EVIL KEVIN SORBO IS HOT OK FUCKEN SUE ME  
> Wow I just wanted evil sorbo to fuck the Good Christian Boy™ and yet here we are with Plot and Drama. Jfc why do I like assholes???? For the Banter™ tbh  
> Also the guy masturbating in the library was 100% for my own amusement and enjoyment bc I am a voyeur at heart


	2. Sexxx Dreams

This wasn’t going according to anyway Josh had imagined the final debate would happen, but Professor Radisson had the unique ability to get him stirred up, yelling in the man's face even as the professor looked like he was clinging to the last of his hatred and ill-will. Josh didn’t know what came over him, it felt like so much of his emotion was dammed up inside and the only way to let it out was to go toe to toe with Radisson; it was immensely satisfying, but watching the man crumple was not.

Josh felt his gaze drag away from the compromised professor as one by one the students in the audience stood up and professed their belief in God. Josh was elated and basked in the glory of triumph, but one look at his professor extinguished most of the excitement; the man looked crushed and was visibly trying to pull himself together at the podium. Josh felt his heart twinge and awkwardly made his way over to the professor; as he approached, Professor Radisson glared at him and he instinctively paused, but it lacked its usual edge and Josh realized that Radisson wasn’t really all that intimidating, he was more like a wounded animal. In a flash, Josh understood, Professor Radisson really was just a sheep that had wandered from his Shepherd, God, and it was Josh’s responsibility to bring him back to the herd. With a bit more confidence, Josh stepped closer. Radisson reared back like a spooked horse.

“Congratulations, you’ve won. Are you here to rub salt in the wound?”

“No, no,” Josh coaxed, “I wanted to thank you for letting me speak.”

Radisson looked at him cautiously, Josh felt the pause grow awkward.

“I… I just mean that… I wanted to apologize. I didn’t know any of that… about your mother… and I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Radisson’s face broke into a fragile smile and although Josh didn’t know why he was smiling, he was glad that he had caused it.

“It figures that you’d also be a considerate winner, Mr. Wheaton.”

“Call me Josh,” he blurted out, Radisson raised an eyebrow, “Just um… Mr. Wheaton is my father, and thank you,” he finished lamely.

Radisson chuckled, his eyes closing briefly; Josh was transfixed at the strong profile he made, watching as Radisson dropped his gaze to the bible sitting on the podium still and gently tapped its cover before placing his hand over it.

“It’s like a wound that won’t heal; an emptiness that throbs.”

Josh considered his words, he would have one chance to convince Radisson and save his soul. With a deep breath, Josh placed his hand on top of Radisson’s and caught his startled, but open, expression.

“It is, but you don’t have to heal alone and it’s never too late to come back to God. He’s been waiting for you. You don’t have to suffer anymore.”

Radisson gazed at him hesitantly, Josh took a shot. Taking his other hand to bring the bible and Radisson’s hand closer to him, Josh beseechingly looked at his professor.

“Let me help, Professor. Please.”

Something unlocked inside of Radisson, and he nodded his head once. That’s all Josh needed, leading Radisson over to his desk, he bent his head in prayer and asked for Radisson to do the same. As Josh let the words flow from his mouth he couldn’t help feeling like he was finally serving his purpose; he had come to save people and not only had he achieved that, but he was also spiritually healing someone who had been lost from God for a long time.

Finally, Josh finished the prayer and looked back up at Professor Radisson only to find him staring back at him already, a gentle, amused smirk gracing his features. Josh blinked owlishly a few times before realizing he still had Radisson’s hands clasped in his. He tried to pull his hands away but Radisson caught one and carefully threaded his fingers through Josh’s.

Josh felt his face instantly ignite and the touch of the other’s warm hands. Radisson took the bible and set it down carefully, reverently, before turning his intense, laser-like focus back on Josh, who felt like a rabbit caught in the jaws of a wolf. Gone was the timid, lost man Josh had approached and back was the dangerous, wicked curl of Radisson’s lip; the difference almost gave him whiplash.

Josh shivered, even as it felt like the temperature in the room had been raised several degrees, and swallowed hard as his mouth went instantly dry. Radisson tracked the movement of his throat with his eyes as he used their entwined hands to pull Josh closer and crowd him up against the desk. Josh looked wildly around the lecture hall over Radisson’s shoulder, but all the other students who had just been cheering and clapping a minute ago had disappeared mysteriously.

“You’ve helped me an awful lot, Mr. Wheaton, how about I return the favor?”

And with those words, Josh felt Professor Radisson’s other hand cup his growing erection through his pants. Josh let out a stuttered breath that sound like a cross between a garbled word and a moan. Radisson’s hand felt like a brand as heated pleasure shot through Josh’s body and he once again opened his mouth to say something, anything, but instead another moan echoed forth from his lips and he leaned heavily on the desk using his free hand to balance him as he felt his legs widen on their own accord.

Radisson let go of his hand, moving it to steady Josh by placing it on his hip. Josh’s hand, once freed, reached up to push Radisson away by his shoulder, but instead ended up clutching the fabric of his suit on his upper arm. Heat was pouring off of Radisson and Josh felt like he was melting as the firm but pleasurable press and rub of Radisson’s hand stroked his cock through his pants. Josh was desperately trying to wrap his mind around the fact of how he ended up here as he watched Radisson give him a gentle squeeze before starting to undo his pants button; he sucked in a breath, eyes slamming shut, as the air hit his freed cock.

“Josh,” the way the professor whispered his name was sinful, it was like he could hear the way those cruel lips curled around it, “Watch.”

Josh’s eyes slipped open and he was met with the honest to God, smoldering stare of Professor Radisson. Watching as Radisson brought the hand that had been palming him up to his mouth, Josh heard another strangled moan fly past his lips as Radisson licked his hand from palm to fingertip. He had… He had seen that somewhere, Josh thought to himself, that same motion and if by instinct he knew exactly where that spit-wet hand was going. Professor Radisson, at last, dropped his eyes to the task at hand and began giving slow pulls of Josh’s cock, spreading the copious amounts of pre-cum along his shaft. Josh was hypnotized by the circular strokes up and down his dick and for a moment he was able to take his eyes away from it to stare in shock at the erection his professor was sporting.  
For some reason the idea that Professor Radisson would also be aroused hadn’t crossed his mind; Josh reached out a hand of his own and pressed his fingers into the bulge of Radisson’s zipper, absorbing the image of Radisson’s pleasure flushed face as he bit out a delighted hiss of his own. Professor Radisson leaned his head in towards Josh’s head and began mouthing up his neck to his ear; at this point, Josh’s prick was leaking uncontrollably as he felt Radisson whisper gently to him.

“Not so picture perfect anymore are you, Josh?” Josh whimpered in response, “Thank you for showing me God, but I’ll show you something better,” Radisson hissed into his ear and pressed Josh’s hand more fully on to the professor’s dick.

Josh felt everything white out.

 

And then jerked awake violently, out of breath, and a sticky wetness pooled in his underwear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu I know it's a dumb cliche but I HAD to  
> Also I am heavily drawing from my own "oh no am I gay that's not christian" experience for Josh  
> I'm totally 100% writing this for my gross goblin brain but I'd like to think that there are other's out there that watched this movie and thought "damn that's a lot of tension and most of it is sexual"  
> Also^2 that ending of the movie was sooooo fucken bad  
> I mean I watched the movie as a joke but goddamn was it bad lol good ol' christian movies  
> (also^3 the chapter names are the songs from my playlist that i have for this pairing yeaH I GOT A PLAYLIST FOR 'EM)


	3. Unholy

To say that Josh was dreading Professor Radisson’s class on Monday was an understatement. It was Sunday afternoon and he was just leaving his first church service of the day. Even though he had dedicated himself to the Word and was focused and reverent the entire time, Josh couldn’t help the feeling of despair that threatened to overtake him. He had had night emissions before, but it had never come with such vivid dreams. He didn’t know how he would be able to face his class, let alone the professor.

  
The dream was haunting him and not even the Sabbath could expunge the sin that clung to Josh. First of all, Josh was not a homosexual, of that he was certain. Homosexuals were people who had succumbed to the sin of lust and fornication in the worst way imaginable. His parents had never explicitly stated that being a homosexual was sinful but homosexual acts and behaviors certainly were. His church back home also supported various counseling camps for both youths and married couples inflicted with homosexual desires. Josh could proudly say he had never even considered attending and no one had recommended that he go. He had gotten his first girlfriend at 14 and everything was perfect until she had moved across the state and they had decided to end the relationship. At 16 he had met Kara and they had been together ever since.

  
Josh couldn’t understand what had happened. He had never even needed to fight off sin and temptation in either of his relationships despite the inability of his peers around him. Monday loomed ahead in the future like an execution date, and somehow the fact that he hadn’t seen Radisson since Wednesday added to the anxiety of the whole situation. So much could happen in five days, especially when a Godless sinner was concerned. Would Radisson uphold his promise of debate? Would he just mock Josh and then dismiss him from class? Would he be expelled? Josh had no idea, he had been homeschooled since the ninth grade, and before that had attended a Christian charter school. Who knew how lawless and backward these secular establishments were?

  
Monday morning finally showed its face like an unwanted blemish and Josh could feel his feet dragging as he tried to muster any passion for the next 55 minutes of his life. The lecture hall was mostly empty, and Josh made his way down to the front to begin setting up his presentation. The minutes before class started limped by at an unbearable pace and even as the majority of the class had arrived, Radisson was nowhere in sight. Ten minutes after class was scheduled to begin, the door in the back of the lecture hall flew open and in stormed Professor Radisson. Josh was taken aback by how livid his professor was, and the anxiety that had been swimming around in his rib cage since Friday night kicked into overdrive.

  
“Sit down, Mr. Wheaton.” Radisson commanded, barely sparing him a glance as he rounded the podium and set his twisted expression on the rest of the class.

  
Josh had barely opened his mouth before the professor had shot him a piercing look and after grabbing his backpack, Josh meekly sat in a desk at the front of the class.

  
“It appears there is a coup being staged in this freshmen philosophy class,” Professor Radisson bit out every word as if it had personally offended him, and Josh couldn’t help the way his brow quirked in confusion, “it seems a great deal of you became concerned with the schedule on the syllabus and, instead of bringing it to my attention, took it directly to the department head with _a signed petition_ threatening to drop.”

  
Josh felt his mouth fall open as he whipped his head around to stare at his classmates. Many of them either looked bored or sheepish, with the exception of one older female student sitting further down in the row he was seated in. She was leaning back and looking down her nose in a condescending manner to Professor Radisson. The cross of her arms and the scowl on her face made it perfectly clear who the professor was talking about, even if he hadn’t been directly glaring at her.

  
“As it stands, our god debate will be postponed, and in the meantime, please read chapters four through 6 and have an essay prepared by next week. There will be a lecture on Wednesday, class dismissed.”

  
A low grumble swept around the class as people began gathering their things, some bemoaning the assignment, others pleased that class was canceled and making plans with their friends, but all seemingly unsurprised by the baffling turn of events. Josh’s gaze snapped back to the female student in the front row, noticing that the staring contest between her and Professor Radisson had yet to end. Radisson broke first, ripping the connector between his laptop and the projector out with more flare than necessary, then the student languidly gathered her things and approached the podium. Radisson seemed to deflate as the majority of the class vanished, leaving behind a bitter frown instead of the volatile rage that had been there.

  
“Really, Esther? Really?”

  
The young woman smirked, “I’m only looking out for the educational integrity of our profession, Jeffery.”

  
Sensing another silent stand-off was about to pop, Josh quietly spoke up.

  
“Uh, so I’m guessing I can stay in the class?”

  
Josh flinched slightly as Radisson’s fiery gaze fell on him, he felt warm and panicky again, but for a completely different reason this time. Without answering Professor Radisson, swept past both of them, knocking his shoulder into Josh’s. When he was gone, Esther let out an exasperated sigh and turned to look at Josh kindly as Josh rubbed at his shoulder.

  
“What a dick. Anyway. Hey, my name’s Esther. I’m Professor Radisson’s T.A., if you have any questions you can reach me at my email, it’s on the syllabus, or stop by Radisson’s office, I’m usually chained to the desk in front of it like a glorified secretary.”

  
Josh blinked rapidly for a second before stumbling forward with both his feet and his words.

  
“What was all of that? What did you do? Why did you do that?”

  
“Well, let’s just say, Radisson needs to be taken down a few pegs, and when he gets bad student reviews, so do I,” Esther smiled, “Also you’re just a kid, and you’re here to learn, not have a dick measuring contest with some old man.”

  
Josh tried to keep his mind from following that line of thought but felt his face flame up anyway. Esther chuckled and motioned him to follow her.

  
“I’m not a kid,” Josh complained a few seconds later trying not to whine and failing, “You didn’t need to step in.”

  
“You’re what? 18? 19? A baby,” Esther shook her head,” plus Jeffery gets stuck in the weeds a lot, and we really don’t need his peacocking during lecture hours too.”

  
“Do you know Professor Radisson that well?”

  
“You could say that, he definitely has a type,” she _winked_ , “But he has the emotional maturity of a middle schooler so we’re begrudgingly friends. I have a habit of adopting broken people.”

  
Josh had no idea what most of that meant, but he could tell that she was teasing him gently. After what was essentially a week of hell, Esther was a definite positive.

  
“Well, you still didn’t need to do that, I was confident in my argument. We might have missed an opportunity to reach out to people that are lost!”

  
Esther stopped and gave Josh such a sympathetic look that he felt embarrassed for a second before shaking it off. She turned and placed a hand on Josh’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  
“I know your heart is in the right place, but believe me when I say that a freshmen level, required class is not the place to help the lost.”

  
“But-“

  
“You should join up with one of the Christian organizations on campus. I know they would love to have someone so passionate on hand. As for reaching out to people in need, sometimes letting people know you’re there to help and waiting for them to come to you is more effective.”

  
Josh wanted to respond, but Esther kindly held his gaze for a moment longer, patted his shoulder, and then turned to open the door to the Arts and Sciences Department wing. Strangely, Josh felt almost lonely standing by himself in the hallway, but adjusted his backpack and headed towards his next class regardless.

 

\--------------------

 

It was only Wednesday and Josh was just about ready to combust. Somehow waiting for Professor Radisson to just show up to class was more uncomfortable than trying to prepare for a debate with him. At least then he was able to distract himself with all the arguments and examples he had planned then, now he was agonizing over where to sit in the lecture hall. If he sat too close to the front, would the professor take it as a challenge? Or pick on him? If he sat in the back would it look like defeat? Luckily, his decision was made for him when another student that he had become friendly with, Martin, waved him over to the seat next to him. Josh murmured a quick thanks before pulling out his notebook.

  
When Professor Radisson finally sauntered into the lecture hall, Josh felt slightly more prepared to survive until the next hour. Of course, this whole time Josh had been building up Radisson as a big, bad, mean bully in his head and was genuinely surprised that the likable, quippy man from the first day of class was back and in full swing. The content of the lecture was merely covering the first three chapters of their textbook, but the way the information was being presented was riveting. Josh could see why the man had such an infamous reputation, but a whole host of admirers at the same time; the passion that fueled his wrath and ire also fed his humor and teaching. At the end of class, Josh felt himself stalling for time as the other students filed out of the lecture hall. He wasn’t completely sure why, but he needed to talk with Professor Radisson and explain himself. The last time he had seen the professor was volatile, but Josh was sure that now that Radisson was in a better mood something good could come from their interaction. Josh slowly approached the other man as he collected his things at the podium.

  
“Uh, Professor Radisson?”

  
The professor looked up and a flash of emotion flew across his face too fast for Josh to decipher before it settled on a wry smile.

  
“Can I help you with something, Mr. Wheaton?”

  
“I was wondering if we could talk?” the professor raised his eyebrows slightly and Josh hurried on, “About the debate?”

  
Radisson’s smile slid into something more incredulous, “Hoping for an admission of loss? I’m afraid we’re at a draw, Mr. Wheaton.”

  
“No! I mean, no that’s not what I wanted to talk about,” _what on Earth was he saying_ , “I wanted to see if you would like to continue the debate.”

  
Professor Radisson stilled and gave him an odd look. Josh was internally freaking out, that’s not what he had wanted to say at all. He had wanted to say something about not meaning to upset the professor and that he had nothing to do with Esther’s meddling, but he came to the realization that Professor Radisson had probably already figured that out and with nothing else to say had blurted out the first thing that had come to mind. During his mental agony, Professor Radisson gave him an appraising look before his smirk returned in all its beguiling glory.

  
“Oh, really? I’m afraid your classmates have already made their opinions about that particular use of our class time well known. However, if you’re a _good boy_ , we might be able to fit it in at the end of the semester.”

  
Josh felt a shiver slowly roll up his back at those words; they were coy and dismissive at the same time. Josh had a moment where he felt the same way he had after that first class. This was clearly a challenge, but Josh craved the way it made him feel like an equal, an adult; plus this was a way for him to defend his faith and possibly change someone’s life for the better. Strengthening his resolve, Josh straightened and tried to look more confident than he felt.

  
“Actually, I wouldn’t mind taking up some of your office hours to have this discussion. It might be more productive and while it might be more difficult to decide the winner that way, the stakes are higher, right?”

  
Radisson looked just a little short of absolutely delighted, and he nodded, enthused.

  
“Well, I can hardly turn away from such an inquisitive student, now can I? That sounds like a fantastic idea, Mr. Wheaton, I’d love to continue where we left off. Come see me on Friday, around 1, we’ll discuss more over lunch. Sound good?”

  
Josh felt like his heart was trying to escape out of his rib cage and he couldn’t tell if it was nerves or excitement or something else. He gave his answer in the affirmative and felt like he floated in a daze to his next class. Was he really going to do this? This isn’t what he had planned at all, but somehow it ended up being so much better than anything he had anticipated.

  
It wasn’t until much later that Josh was struck with anxiety regarding this turn of events. In the moment it had seemed like such a fantastic opportunity, but now as the evening crept in, so did doubt and fear into Josh’s mind. He had been so focused on the hows and whens that he hadn’t considered if it would be the smartest thing to do, especially since Professor Radisson stirred something unknown and tempting in his gut. Josh tried to shake the feeling off; surely this is a test from his Lord, and the Lord would not give him more than he could handle.

 

...

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello there y'all  
> I've been working on this randomly so here's a bit more. Every time I blink this stupid thing gets longer jfc I was agonizing over whether this was OOC but then I decided that I didn't care lmao also just pretend that this School of Arts and Sciences takes their syllabi VERY seriously.  
> The projection is fucken strong, everyone in this fic is now just me in a different hat so sorry about that  
> Is this fic a way to work out the lingering emotional damage religion gave me or is it a way for me to live out my fantasy of "corrupting" a religious person THE CHOICE IS YOURS  
> Interracial Pastoral Bromance appears in the next chapter! (I will never forgive them killing off the better half of the IPB in the third movie) And they are the Sad, Repressed Elder Gays for this fic.  
> Radisson is still a scumbag btw and I still haven't decided if he gets redeemed lol 
> 
> Please leave your thots and prayers below or come yell at me, either feeds my desire for validation!


	4. For the Love of God

“What is this I hear about you still going forward with the debate with Professor Radisson?” came an angry accusation from behind him.

  
Josh had just been leaving the Classroom Center and heading towards his dorm when those words stopped him in his tracks. He turned slowly and came face to face with his very irate girlfriend, Kara.

  
“Kara, it’s not a matter of a simple grade anymore. It’s a chance for me to stand up for God and His greatness,” Josh was shocked to see Kara roll her eyes at this.

  
“You want to know what it sounds like to me? It sounds like you’ve found another excuse to avoid spending time with me.”

  
Josh shook his head, “Kara, it’s not like that at all.”

  
“Oh, yeah? When’s the last time we’ve hung out or spent time together, just the two of us,” Josh opened his mouth but Kara cut him off, “And church doesn’t count!”

  
“Kara, that’s not fair.”

  
“Not _fair_? Do you even hear yourself? I have given up so much for us, for _you_ , and all I ever get in return is you ignoring me or brushing me off. Do you even _love me_ anymore? You never want to see me or hold me and the last time we went on a date together was a month before classes started!”

  
Kara was visibly tearing up at this point and Josh was dumbstruck, had he really not noticed any of this? He got the impression that this wasn’t about the debate anymore. Kara gave a wet sniff as she pressed her hand to her mouth.

  
“I wanted us to work out so bad, Josh. I loved you so much, I thought you were my _soulmate_ , but you’ve been so distant and distracted.”

  
Josh gently set a hand on her shoulder, but all that seemed to do was make Kara quietly start to sob harder.

  
“Kara, you know I love you. I’ve just been growing in Christ, you know how that is. This is an opportunity I can’t throw away.” Kara shrugged his hand off her shoulder and stepped back.

  
“We’re supposed to grow in Christ _together_ , Josh, but all we’ve been doing is growing apart,” Kara took in a shaky breath and met his eyes, “You need to decide who’s more important, me or Professor Radisson.”

  
Josh felt as if he had been stabbed in the heart and he took a step back in surprise. Kara was visibly trying to hold it together long enough for him to give an answer, but he felt tongue-tied and slow.

  
“Kara, I-“ the hope in her eyes shone through the tears and pain that stained her face, and Josh felt his heart sink into his stomach, “Kara, you can’t ask me to pick. It’s not between you and Professor Radisson, it’s about God.”

  
Kara’s face immediately crumpled like a discarded sheet of paper and fresh tears began running down her cheeks as she silently turned and started walking away.

  
“Kara!” Josh called, taking a few steps after her, “Kara, please!”

  
But Kara did not turn or acknowledge him and after a few seconds, she rounded a corner and Josh couldn’t see her anymore.

~

 Josh hadn’t even waited an hour before escaping to the campus’ chapel to beg for guidance. He questioned if he was doing the right thing, if this was all really worth his grade, his girlfriend, and his belief in God. The setting sun shone through the stained glass and bathed the inside of the church in a warm glow, but no matter how hard he tried, Josh could not feel any divine interference or connection.

  
“You, uh, you waiting for someone?” came a voice from the front and Josh snorted.

  
“Yeah, you could say that,” Josh looked up, the church’s pastor, Rev. Dave, was slowly approaching him like a cornered animal, “But He seems to be out at the moment.”

  
“Well, maybe He sent me,” replied Rev. Dave as he sat in the pew in front of Josh.

  
Josh simply looked at him. All the thoughts and events from the past couple of weeks swirled in a chaotic mess inside of his head; he took a deep breath and began to explain. Once he had gotten the pastor caught up on his misadventures in college, Josh shook his head and got to the heart of the matter.

  
“I don’t know if I should keep doing this; it’s already cost me my relationship and it’s not like I can debate the man in his field of expertise or change his mind.”

  
Rev. Dave looked thoughtful for a second and then shook his head.

  
“I disagree, what you have described to me is not a scenario where someone just doesn’t believe in God, but a situation where he actively is opposed to God. That tells me that there is a history, a past, and while it may be painful, still holds a spark. If nothing else this should strengthen your own will and conviction. What else is there to lose?”

  
“It’s not that easy to do.”

  
“It’s not easy, but it is simple.”

  
Josh opened his mouth trying to think of a way to explain how everything about Professor Radisson was a giant “DANGER” sign when another voice called out from behind him.

  
“David! I’ve been looking for you, my friend!”

  
Josh turned to see a man around Rev. Dave's age approaching them; Josh couldn’t help but think that the man was the definition of “tall, dark, and handsome”. The man also had a soothing voice that was slightly accented, and it was difficult to deny the exasperated fondness that curled around his words and especially around Rev. Dave’s name.

  
“Ah, Jude, I’m sorry, this young man seemed to be in need of guidance and I lost track of time,” Rev. Dave’s gaze switched back to Josh as the other man came to stand beside him, “Josh, this is my friend and co-pastor, Reverend Jude; Jude this is Josh, a new freshmen unexpectedly facing a crisis of faith.”

  
Josh wanted to protest this synopsis of his issues, but Rev. Jude let out a gentle chuckle and smiled warmly and Josh felt his protests die on his tongue. Rev. Jude reached out and placed a hand on Rev. Dave’s shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze, but left his hand there when he addressed Josh.

  
“Young Josh, there is nothing our love for God cannot overcome. God watches out for all of us and wants what’s best for us,” Rev. Jude then smiled at Rev. Dave, “For some that is a family, for others that is a solo path in service of Him, and even then He sometimes sends a suitable friend and companion in the form of another brother of Christ.”

  
Josh didn’t understand what any of this had to do with his issues but kept silent as Rev. Dave flashed Rev. Jude a quick bittersweet smile and reached up to grip his hand in return before pulling away.

  
“Ah, no, Jude, Josh here is having a debate with one of his professors about God. He came seeking advice on what to do.”

  
Rev. Jude looked genuinely surprised for a moment, before his good-natured smile returned full force, “Then he is truly talking to the right man to help him understand. I just need to pick up a few documents from the office before we leave, just come get me when you are free.”

  
And with that, Rev. Jude turned and left Josh and the other reverend alone in the slowly darkening church. Rev. Dave’s melancholy smile was back, but didn’t seem directed at Josh, and he continued.

  
“You’re here because there’s still a small voice inside that’s not happy with the choices everyone else wants you to make,” Josh nodded, “So, listen to what your heart is telling you. Let your heart be filled with God’s love and make your decision based on that.”

  
Rev. Dave then stood, shook Josh’s hand, and walked in the direction that Rev. Jude had disappeared to. Although the interaction had been a little strange to him, Josh took those final words to heart and headed home, a battle plan forming in his mind.

  
~

   
The next few weeks flew by in a rush and suddenly Josh was already staring midterms dead in the eye. His ‘debates’ with Professor Radisson had been challenging, but Josh found he enjoyed the man’s sense of humor. While Radisson was still a massive jerk, Josh looked forward to their meetings. For example, by the third week the professor was getting lunch for the both of them because, during a particularly heated argument, Josh’s stomach had growled so loudly even Esther heard it from outside the office door. Now their biweekly lunch dates (not that they were _date_ dates) were Josh’s favorite parts of the week and this pattern probably would have continued had it not been for the one day he had shown up late.

  
The weather all week had been nasty; thunderstorms and hail had even been forecasted for the weekend, but on Thursday there were monsoon levels of rain pouring down from the heavens and huge gales of wind that ripped umbrellas out of hands and sent the rain sideways. Needless to say, traffic both by car and on foot was a nightmare. Josh had been trying to wait out the storm in the library as he had left his jacket in his dorm and his flimsy umbrella could barely keep him dry in a light sprinkle, let alone this disaster movie in the making outside! But the hour crept later and later until Josh couldn’t bear it any longer and dashed out into the storm. Even though Josh was essentially sprinting across campus, it seems to take forever for him to make it to the professor’s door, and he was, unfortunately, fifteen minutes late.  
Out of breath, Josh swung the door open and approached Radisson’s office. He knocked twice, waited for the muffled “Come in!”, and then entered. Professor Radisson had his overhead lights off in favor of the curtains drawn back to let the meager grey light in and a single warm lamp illuminating his desk. The man in question appeared to be reading, his glasses perched on the end of his nose, but at Josh’s entrance, his eyes had lazily glanced up as he sat back in his chair. He did not look pleased.

  
“You’re late.”

  
Josh was still sucking in lungfuls of air but managed to reply, “Yes, I’m so sorry... the storm… I was in the library… I-“

  
The professor held up a hand Josh’s lips slammed shut, trapping any further explanation inside. There was a tense moment of silence before Radisson removed his glasses, folded them, and set them down in front of him on the desk. The professor’s eyes seemed to roam up and down Josh’s form before fixating for a second on Josh’s chest where his shirt clung to his skin like a see-through mesh and where the cold air of the building had Josh’s nipples stubbornly making themselves known. Just as Josh was starting to get uncomfortable, his professor spoke.

  
“Here’s the thing, Mr. Wheaton, I’m a very busy man,” Professor Radisson stood from his seat and approached Josh where he was standing by the office door, a deadly purr in his voice, “In this office, there is a god.”

  
Radisson stepped into Josh’s personal space and Josh’s back met the wall with a quiet thud. Placing a hand on the wall just a few inches above Josh’s shoulder, Radisson continued to lean in until he was only a few inches away from Josh’s face.

  
“And, I’m him” Professor Radisson’s voice was barely louder than a quiet rumble, “I’m also a jealous god…”

  
Josh swallowed loudly, but he was sure the most noticeable thing about him was his burning face, rapid heartbeat, and shallow, quick breaths. He could smell Radisson again, up this close, his spicy cologne making Josh dizzy. Even more alarming, it felt like he was breathing in every breath the professor let out as well. Time felt suspended in a single, crystalline eternity as Josh locked eyes with the professor. A heartbeat, maybe two, and then Radisson suddenly had his hand on Josh’s shoulder and the other on the door handle and Josh was pushed outside. In Josh’s dazed state, Radisson took the opportunity to slide his hand from Josh’s shoulder to the small of his back. The heat from his hand over Josh’s soaked shirt seemed to sear into his flesh, and Josh could feel warm breath on his ear as Professor Radisson spoke again.

  
“See to it that you show up on time next week. Preferably a little more modest. It would be rather humiliating if you couldn’t live out those godly rules you set for yourself. Or give me the wrong impression.”

  
And with that, Josh felt a breeze of cool air and heard the soft click of the office door behind him as it closed before he could even register what had even happened. He numbly walked forward and went to stand in the hallway on the other side of the main office doors. Suddenly, Esther came around the corner and stopped for a second, clearly surprised to see him there.

  
“Oh! You’re soaked! I’m sorry were you waiting for me, Josh?”

  
“Ah, no, I was late to a meeting with Professor Radisson… he kicked me out.”

  
Esther frowned then continued forward, umbrella tucked under her left arm and digging her keys out of her purse with her right hand, “Well, just because he’s a bastard doesn’t mean we need to waste a perfectly good afternoon. Give me a sec and I’ll close up. We can go get some coffee or whatever.”

  
Josh opened his mouth to protest, but Esther had already unlocked the door and slipped inside the office. He stood dumbly for a second before he let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. He figured he might as well; Esther might even be able to give him some advice about the whole Radisson situation. The door behind him clicked open and Esther stepped out.

  
“Come on, I know a great place not too far from here and my umbrella is big enough for two. Plus it looks like you need someone to talk to,” a pause, “and maybe a towel.”

  
With that Esther linked her arm with Josh’s and started walking them in the opposite direction she had come from. Surprisingly the coffee shop let them borrow some towels to help Josh dry off with and Esther talked his ear off about light-hearted things until their coffees arrived. Although they sipped their cups quietly, Josh couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of contentedness that flooded him.

  
“Hey, Esther?”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“I’m glad you’re my friend.”

  
She beamed at him.

~

 

It was a few days later before Josh saw Professor Radisson again, and he almost felt prepared. The professor had reacted strangely when he had shown up late, and it had certainly knocked Josh off balance, however, he had gone over a few things with Esther and was confident that from now on things would progress smoothly. Josh had only been waiting outside of Radisson’s office for about five minutes, as he had come a whole fifteen minutes early this time, when a flustered Professor Radisson came in from the hallway digging his hand around in his satchel.

  
“Professor Radisson?”

The professor stopped dead and looked up from his bag, “Sorry Mr. Wheaton, I’ve left somethings at home today, we’ll need to reschedule.”

“Reschedule?” Radisson sighed.

“Yes, it’s thirty minutes from here to my house and I don’t feel like making that trip three times this evening. Once I’m home, I prefer to stay there.”

Before Josh could stop himself he asked, “Could I meet you there then?”

Josh couldn’t read what the professor’s expression meant so he hurried on.

“I mean, I have a bike so I could just pick up the materials or take notes or-“

Radisson’s laugh cut Josh’s ramble off short, “Ok, but I’m not letting you peddle all the way to my house and then immediately leave again with a pile of books on your back. We can take some time and chat there; plus, my home office has a very comfortable couch… Let me close up and we’ll take my car.”

Josh was sure he was gaping, but the professor had already swept past him into his office. In no time at all, Josh and Professor Radisson were walking companionably to the parking lot, Josh’s bike rolling along between them. While Josh didn’t know much about cars, he was surprised when Radisson’s stylish sport’s car could fit his bike in the trunk. Radisson closed the trunk lid with a smirk and Josh could see it was some kind of Audi but knew nothing else. He caught Radisson’s smirk and responded “Flashy.”

The professor laughed again and opened the passenger side door; Josh couldn’t help but think about how handsome Professor Radisson looked when he smiled. Shaking the thought from his head, Josh had just sat down and closed the door when the professor straightened up and turned to look towards the rear of the car. Josh twisted in his seat and was surprised to see a young woman, maybe a few years older than he was, approaching Professor Radisson.

“Jeffery, we need to talk. Now.” Her voice was slightly muffled, but Josh could still hear every word being said.

“Not now, Mina. And remember we agreed to call me Professor Radisson on campus, right?” came Radisson’s blasé answer.

“Jeffery, this is serious,” Mina responded, and Radisson’s expression soured immediately.

“So am I, now can this wait until tonight or can we talk about this like adults now.”

Mina glared and put her hand on the car door handle, “Fine! Let’s go home right now!”

“Mina, wait-“

Mina yanked the door open and stared down in disbelief at Josh, who in turn blinked up in confusion at her and the sudden brightness of outside as Professor Radisson’s windows were heavily tinted; the man in question stood ridged off to the side, his mouth set in a firm disapproving line.

“Jeffery,” Mina asked in a painfully controlled voice, “Who is this?”

Professor Radisson crossed his arms over his chest, “This is a student I am tutoring, I left some of my materials at my home office and instead of having him wait for me to drive there and back, I was taking him with me so I could give him the materials and take him home.”

Josh glanced back and forth between Professor Radisson and Mina; he didn’t understand completely why the professor was telling half-truths, but he thought it would be best to not speak up at the moment. There was a moment of silence before Mina’s hand on the door curled into a fist and she slammed the door shut in Josh’s face.

“You expect me to believe that?” she shouted, even through the door it was clear she was enraged; Radisson now had his hands on his hips.

“It’s my job Mina, what the hell do you want me to say?”

“Oh, no! No! You don’t get to pretend like this is all innocent and that I’m crazy and jealous! Do you think I’m stupid?” she pushed Professor Radisson harshly on his shoulder, “You know what? Don’t answer that. We’re through! I’m done, this is the last straw!”

Radisson’s jaw dropped, “Mina, be reasonable,”

The was a  _crack_ as Mina reached out and slapped the professor across the face. Josh felt his own jaw drop open in shock.

“You don’t get to treat me like a doormat and then bring your little toys home!”

The professor had reached one hand up to cradle his jaw, but after Mina’s last statement, he dropped it to his side; his eyes were cruel again, but this time they were as hard and cold as ice.

“I thought that was the point of you being a good little Christian housewife, spineless and under my control, it’s the only reason I put up with this,” Radisson sneered, “Plus the fact you gave it up so easily.”

Mina’s hand came up and struck him again, the sound echoing across the parking lot. Radisson leered and turned his head to the other side, tapping the untouched side of his face with his index finger.

“You want to get biblical, Mina? Let’s see who the real Caesar is.”

Mina violently pulled something off of her finger, “Fuck,” and threw it into Radisson’s face, “You.” She then turned and stormed away.

Josh stared agape out of the passenger window; Radisson crouched down and slipped whatever Mina had chucked at him into his pocket, he then straightened his clothes and took a second to rub at his cheek once more before he rounded the car and got into the driver’s seat. They sat in complete silence for a few seconds until Radisson seemed to remember that he had another person in the car with him and turned to face Josh.

“Never date an idealist, Wheaton.”

And with that, the professor turned on the car and the radio, setting it to something loud, fast and that made any conversation impossible. Radisson peeled out of the lot; Josh held on to the door handle for dear life.

~

 

When they finally arrived at the professor’s house, Radisson seemed to have finally cooled off. Josh gratefully exited the vehicle and imagined dramatically falling to the ground and kissing it. He wanted to make a comment about literally anything that had just happened in the past thirty minutes, but Radisson swept past him up the driveway and unlocked the front door.

 

“Are you going to come in, Mr. Wheaton?”

Josh shook himself from his stupor and followed his professor into the house. It was casually decorated, almost impersonally so, and as Josh toed his shoes off he took a brief once over of the foyer and the living room just beyond it.

“This way please,” came Radisson’s voice from deeper in the house.

  
Josh followed to where he assumed the voice had come from and stepped into an ornate office. The walls were lined with bookshelves, a grand desk sat off to the side that was clean of clutter and only housed a single computer on top. The room was large enough for a separate couch and coffee table facing the desk on the opposite side of the room, but still small enough that it felt rather cozy.

  
“Welcome to my sanctuary, Mr. Wheaton. Care for a drink? I definitely need one.”

Professor Radisson was standing near the door to Josh’s left, next to a small fridge that appeared to exclusively house wine bottles. He was even holding two glasses in his hand, an open and inviting expression on his face. Josh glanced back and forth between the wine fridge and the professor; Radisson had removed his suit jacket and at some point had rolled up his sleeves. The top button of his shirt was undone, and Josh felt like he was spending too much time staring at the exposed skin there. With all these factors to consider, the inclusion of alcohol into the equation made Josh nervous.

“I’m not old enough to drink.”

“Well, no one is going to cart you off to jail if you have one glass of wine tonight,” Radisson teased, a playful smile gracing his features, “And you’re probably the first college freshmen I’ve seen turn down free booze.”

Josh cleared his throat and a laugh slipped out before he could stop it, “I think we’ve established that I don’t fit in with the other freshmen. So, uh, I’m good, thanks.”

Josh was relieved to see that Professor Radisson seemed unbothered by this refusal and continued to retrieve a bottle and pour half a glass only for himself. Josh forced his eyes away from the other man’s figure and settled on the few books spread before him on the coffee table as he drifted over to the couch. He took a seat, lost in thought over the nervous questions rolling around in his head.

“Ah, so where were we?” Radisson cleared his throat, “Before our untimely disturbance I mean.”

Josh just barely stopped himself from jumping, the voice had come unexpectedly close to his ear and, when he turned his head to look, Radisson was invading his personal space as he draped himself over the back of the couch. Josh’s mouth felt dry suddenly and he shot a glance at the glass, and interestingly enough the bottle, in Professor Radisson’s hands before turning and grabbing a book at random.

“Well, uh, here would be a good place to start…”

Josh heard Radisson straighten and move to come sit beside him, setting down the wine bottle on the table in front of them as he did. Josh tried to be casual about the fact that he wouldn’t look at Radisson directly, but that was made all the more difficult when the professor sat unnecessarily close to him and again pressed into his personal space to pluck the book in question from Josh’s limp hands. Radisson set the book in his lap and began flipping through to whatever specific chapter he had in mind as he periodically sipped his glass.

“Ah, here’s a good one,” Radisson downed the remaining drops from his glass and handed over the book to Josh.

“The Paradox of Prayer?” Josh asked as he wearily watched Professor Radisson pour himself another, slightly fuller, glass.

“Of course, how can we start our more in-depth discussions if we don’t cover the basics first and start on the same page? Literally,” Radisson smiled at his own little joke, and Josh felt himself tense a little at the quick change in the professor’s mood, still remembering the scene from just a little while ago.

It happened almost completely by chance that Josh had selected that particular book, but Josh hoped that there was some divine guidance leading him at the moment. As time passed, Josh felt himself relax into the groove of the give and take in the conversation. Every time he made his professor chuckle, he felt as if he were winning small victories. Josh was also pleasantly surprised to find the professor allowing him some leniency if he asked a question Josh wasn’t quite sure how to answer. It was now well past sundown and the passionate debate that had been present seemed to settle down into a more companionable conversation. Professor Radisson was close, he had an arm thrown over the back of the couch and had somehow migrated from his side more towards the middle. Josh was rather surprised to find that he had also drifted closer somehow, perhaps because of a dip in the couch’s support or maybe due to the fact that he kept leaning forward and back to grab books and hand them to the professor. While Josh idly pondered this, Professor Radisson was quietly tapping his index finger against the outside of the empty wine glass, a relaxed but undecipherable expression on his face, once he noticed this, Josh also fell silent, letting his comments trail off naturally. The professor didn’t look up but spoke in a quiet, teasing tone.

“Do you think you’re smarter than me, Wheaton?” Josh blinked rapidly at the question, completely thrown, “Do you think there’s any argument that I won’t have an answer for?”

“I never said I was smarter,” was all Josh could think to say.

Their conversation had mostly illuminated the various corners of ignorance in Josh’s arguments, rather than really challenge anything the professor had to say. At his response, Professor Radisson looked up and into Josh’s eyes, and there had returned the sharp, calculating gaze from the first week of classes when Josh had presented his first defense. 

“There’s a great deal of potential in you, Mr. Wheaton,” Radisson purred, “It’s truly only a matter of unlocking it and letting it go.

Josh had thought the professor’s expression too piercing to avoid, but he unknowingly dropped his gaze to Radisson’s lips as the professor spoke.

“Like what?” was Josh’s murmured reply, feeling as if he was some stray meteor caught in orbit as his gaze fluttered between Professor Radisson’s lips and eyes.

“Like what I could show you…”

Everything felt alarmingly too fast and too slow at the same time. There was a level of muted panic in the back of Josh’s head but the loudest thought there was an intense hunger and longing; a quiet stream of _wait, wait, wait, no… no_ … being drowned out by a louder chorus of _YES_. Radisson had tilted his head slightly to the right and his face was steadily getting closer to Josh’s. Josh could feel his head swaying forwards and back slightly, into and out of Radisson’s range, but the professor continued to press forward steadily until his lips gently caressed Josh’s frozen mouth. There was a dull ringing in the back of Josh’s mind, and he jerked his head away sharply; there was a moment, a frozen moment, as Professor Radisson looked at Josh passively through his lidded eyes, his expression relaxed and his lips slightly parted. That moment hung in suspension, Josh couldn’t follow it or know how long it held, but as Radisson began to slowly pull away Josh made up his mind; he crashed his own lips clumsily against his professor’s with a feeling of desperation crawling up the back of his skull.

The feeling of Radisson’s lips on his was electric, searing even, and Radisson carefully gentled Josh’s frantic, inexperienced attempt to chase him. Josh didn’t even realize that his eyes had shut until he felt Radisson’s hand reach up and cup his jaw and then they flew open again. He locked eyes with the professor, who pulled back slightly, and immediately felt consumed by the laser-like focus he found there. Radisson swiped his thumb across Josh’s bottom lip and Josh let his eyes slip closed again as he hungrily leaned back in. The kiss grew more intense as it broke into a second and then a third and a fourth, and became more loose and open. Josh could now taste the tangy bitterness of the red wine that Radisson had been imbibing all evening and let his tongue swipe across the professor’s parted lips to chase the taste of it. Professor Radisson took that as the go-ahead to deepen their kisses as he slotted his mouth over Josh’s and slipped his own tongue inside. Josh had never experienced anything like this; every kiss he had shared with Kara had always been chaste and controlled and he had been able to pull away every time she had tried to deepen it, tried to make it more _sinful._ Now, Josh felt like he was floating and drowning at the same time and couldn’t for the life of him manage to pull away for it felt as if he would surely perish if Radisson stopped doing that thing with his tongue that made Josh’s toes curl.  
  
  
Just as Josh was beginning to feel light-headed, Radisson pulled back again and Josh felt a moan slip out as he gasped for air. The professor removed his hand from Josh’s face and used it to pick up one of Josh’s hands and place it firmly and directly over his crotch. Josh’s eyes shot open in shock and stared down at his hand in his professor’s lap; he could feel the warm hardness that lay beneath the straining zipper. Radisson let out a pleased chuckle that caused Josh’s eyes to shoot up to the professor’s face, and it made his blood run cold like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. Professor Radisson looked smug and triumphant, that damn cruel smirk back firmly on his face, the same one he had been wearing as he tore into Mina. Josh ripped his hand away in panic and felt a pinch of satisfaction when Professor Radisson’s expression morphed into one of confusion, but Josh didn’t stop there, he quickly stood up from the couch burning with shame and embarrassment and _lust_ at the phantom feeling of his professor’s lips and beard against his face and the sinful tightness of his own pants. He stood frozen staring down at the professor; Radisson quirked his brow into a frown, his hand still pressed against his crotch.

  
“Mr. Wheaton, what-“

Josh didn’t even bother waiting to hear the rest of it and bolted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAMN JOSH, just gonna blue ball the man? Also, when in doubt: run.
> 
> Josh: YOu can’t catch me gay thoughts!  
> Radisson with his hand on his dick: Oh yes we can!
> 
> What’s UP sinners, it’s ya girl. I've got two glasses of wine in and a whole lotta shit to say!
> 
> Listen: we all want them to finally fuck and Jeff is not the only one blue balling here, BUT one of my biggest pet peeves in erotica is when someone has sex before they’ve ever masturbated. I mean, if it’s a problematic piece about manipulation/noncon and the such, then fine that fits in and I’m gonna enjoy it, but in pieces were the appeal is the virgin and the virgin killer then I want the whole damn experience of that sexual discovery and that includes masturbation!!!  
> Second biggest peeve is when they jump right into anal or vaginal sex, like, damn, have a little imagination you know??? Other types of sex are just as intimate and are a hell of a lot easier to just go for in the heat of the moment, and of course, for a good little Christian boy, those aren’t the Big Bad versions of sex that God Definitely Watches and Judges. A little handy or blow job? God’s loop hole. God leaves the room for a little over the pants groping, okay, but the moment the dick is near the no-no zone that’s when you get smote. 
> 
> Also Radisson is a bastard and I love him for it; Mina saw that little twink in his car and fucken Knew.
> 
> My favorite part is where Jude is like Ah, it’s ok to be gay, you just have to be celibate and serve god and then Dave was like ABORT ABORT ABORT WRONG CRISIS OF FAITH, WRONG CRISIS OF FAITH. 
> 
> Honestly the majority of this fic is me googling who the fuck everyone is because I literally only cared about Josh and Radisson and had no idea what anyone else’s name is.  
> Yes, I’m stealing dialogue from the movie and putting it in the horny context it was clearly meant for
> 
> Sorry guys, no philosophical debates in this fic. I’m too much of a dumbass to make any kind of coherent arguments and the only time we’re gonna get talk like that is basically foreplay in one of the later chapters ok? This fic is also partially a love letter to GazingAbyss on ff.net who wrote the first Josh/Radisson fanfic ever in existence and sadly I can’t do the intellectual foreplay they do so well, so instead we just get horni bois and bad decisions.
> 
> The only person I would like to apologize to is Shane Harper who does not deserve anything bad to ever happen to him ever because he just wants to sing and dance in Disney shows, but everyone else can go fuck themselves, especially Kevin Sorbo.
> 
> Thank y'all for your patience and comments! Here's another long one!  
> Up Next,  
> Chapter 5: Gay Panic 2: The Twinkquel
> 
> Update: 06/07  
> Y'all, someone wrote a smut fic because of this dumb thing and I am just gushing with gratitude and other things lmao I've linked back to it so definitely check it out!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sin Shake Sin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090006) by Anonymous 




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